keeping it in perspective:
managing your thoughts
So in the previous section we talked about how our thoughts create our emotions and that often our thoughts are not actually facts. What did you observe when you practiced noticing your thoughts?
Often people tell me their thoughts are facts because they feel like facts. But this doesn’t make the thoughts facts either.
What you may notice is that our ‘hot thoughts’ the powerful ones that create our distress are usually absolute. We don’t say ‘i might’ or ‘it could be’ we say to ourselves ‘it definitely will happen’. So I wan’t to remind you again: We cannot predict the future.
I want to illustrate this point a little further, with some examples:
I am going to die from coronavirus.
Yes, there’s a chance. But there’s a MUCH higher percentage of people recovering than dying. Not only that, but there’s 7 billion people in the world, actually there is a LARGE percentage of people who do not have coronavirus at all.
This is going to last forever.
Ok, so it FEELS like it will last forever. But let’s check the facts on that, hmmmm? We might not know how long we’ll be in isolation for, but we can certainly say it won’t be forever.
I will never find another job.
Yes, it is really scary not having a job right now or staring down the threat of job loss. But do you have a crystal ball?
Now I don’t mean to play these thoughts down: I totally acknowledge that these thoughts are going to create INTENSE fear/panic/anxiety/worry! But what do you notice when you check the facts? You might notice the intensity of the emotion goes down.
Notice that all of these thoughts were very definite:
I AM GOING TO DIE from coronavirus.
THIS IS going to last FOREVER.
I WILL NEVER find another job.
** Just quickly: I am NOT saying you need to put on your rose coloured glasses and tell yourself everything will be fine. That won’t work either. All I want you to do is evaluate (honestly) - what are the facts here?
Okay, so now we know all that, and we’ve noticed that our thoughts aren’t always facts, what do we do now?
Well, if you’ve been able to notice and remind yourself that your thoughts are not facts, you might already have experienced a reduction in the intensity of the emotion they create. But if you haven’t, that’s ok.
The next step is to play around with coming up with some alternative statements. Statements that are true and don’t create the same level of emotion as your ‘hot thoughts’. Some examples again:
I am going to die from coronavirus.
vs My health is important to me and I have a lot of life left to live.This is going to last forever.
vs I don’t like being stuck at home all day everyday.I will never find another job.
vs It’s scary not to have a job right now. I need to provide for my family.
It may also be helpful to remind yourself of some other facts:
I am social distancing and isolating at home in order to reduce my chances of getting corona virus, and by doing this I am also protecting the more vulnerable members of the community.
The International science community are all working their hardest to find treatment options and develop a vaccine.
The environment is appreciating this change in human activity.
Social distancing has been effective at containing viruses in the past (google who St Louis and Philadelphia managed the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic), and is working in other countries to manage this pandemic.
Governments and private organisations are doing their best to work with individuals to support them during this time. If is is available to you: register for unemployment (or underemployment) payments, discuss with your bank what your options are for managing mortgage repayments or delaying other debts etc., take this action early, it will take time to get in place, it will also help you know your options.
The necessity of social distancing will come to an end.
Nothing is ever certain in the world. In fact the only thing we can be certain of, is that things will change.
Perhaps you can also identify with the benefits our changed behaviour is having on the planet.
Once you’ve reminded yourself of one or two of the helpful thoughts you’ve come up with, channel your energy into keeping your mind busy with other activities, especially ones that bring you a sense of joy, purpose or meaning. (Go back to Module 1: Routine if you need to revisit this). In the next module we’re going to explore how we can refocusing our attention mindfully.
The Practice:
Continue noticing your thoughts, identifying whether they are facts and have a go at coming up with some alternative statements you can remind yourself of in the moment when these unhelpful thoughts come up.
A couple of other reminders to help you challenge unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts:
• Ensure you have access to accurate, reliable and up-to-date information that communicates what you need to know and does not inflate or sensationalise headlines.
• You might find it helpful to discuss your concerns with others who are feeling less anxious or concerned than you. Just as talking others who are panicked will heighten our own panic, talking to someone who is more calm, but is able to listen and address your concerns (not dismiss them) may help you feel more calm and in control.
•Be mindful about overusing social media as you are likely to be exposed to negative news, misinformation and getting drawn into emotive discussions.